


Come Find Me (Save Me From Myself)

by InkgooSupernova



Series: The Winter System [42]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky Barnes Has Panic Attacks, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes has DID - Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Evil Alexander Pierce, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kid Bucky Barnes, M/M, Multi, Non-Sexual Age Play, Panic Attacks, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Sexual Violence, Trauma, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:15:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25572703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkgooSupernova/pseuds/InkgooSupernova
Summary: The Soldier's motions ground to a halt, leaning over the now confused man, eyes completely unfocused.His dick flagged almost instantly, now a soft, useless appendage still caught in other's warm body. It was tight, too tight, painfully wrapped around his oversensitive organ."Soldier? Did you hear me?" Papa's voice sounded so far away, yet all too close at the same time.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson
Series: The Winter System [42]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1693231
Comments: 20
Kudos: 123





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based heavily on personal experience.
> 
> This story features sexual abuse, phantom touching, flashbacks, unintentional self harm, and general disturbing themes.
> 
> Reader Discretion is Advised.

The Soldier groaned as he pressed into the Falcon's tight body, blanketing the other man and carefully sucking on the side of his neck. He could hear the Captain's hum of approval from where he sat across the room, watching the show on display for him.

"There you go, big guy~" The Falcon hummed, gasping when the head of his cock slipped fully inside. "Ohh fuck that's big~"

The Soldier growled at the praise, gently easing himself into the other man's warm, tight hole. The man beneath him was far too precious to him, the thought of accidentally hurting him making him far too nervous. That, on top of the Captain watching his every move. He could see the other man stroking himself in the corner of his vision.

"Soldier, you know I can handle more than _that,_ " The Falcon huffed, bucking his hips up. "You know the Captain fucks me on the regular, make me _feel it._ "

The Soldier bristled at the words, carefully adjusting his knee placement to provide some leverage before sheathing himself inside the Falcon's body. It felt warm and tight and _perfect._ He purred as the man beneath him gasped, followed by a low groan.

"There you go, that's- _Ahh!_ " The Falcon yelped as the Soldier set up a brutal pace, both hands gripping the other man's hips before pulling back and plunging into his tight warmth. He watched with sniper's focus as the man's face twisted into bliss.

"Good boy." The Soldier growled, low and deep in his chest, as he pulled the other man onto his cock in a relentless rhythm. "Thought you could take me? Thought you could handle the Winter Soldier's cock deep inside you?"

He bit back a moan, watching the Falcon's head roll back, exposing his neck. He watched with almost curiosity as his adams apple bobbed with each moan, each swallow. He could so easily lean up over his body, roll his tongue over the warm expanse of skin, sink his teeth right into the hot flesh, listen to the panicked screams of the man beneath him, tear at the meat until his larynx gave way, leaving him choking on his own blood and gasping for help-

_WHAT THE FUCK?_

The Soldier's motions ground to a halt, leaning over the now confused man, eyes completely unfocused.

His dick flagged almost instantly, now a soft, useless appendage still caught in other's warm body. It was tight, too tight, painfully wrapped around his oversensitive organ.

" _Soldier? Did you hear me?_ " Papa's voice sounded so far away, yet all too close at the same time.

He was hurt. He was _hurting._

He didn't know _who_ he was hurting.

He felt hands on his shoulders and couldn't help the lurch in response, the gasping _stop_ that escaped his chest.

He couldn't see the men surrounding him. All he could see was a room with soft blue walls, in a bed that was far too small to safely move away, a soft blue bunny beside him, with his Daddy's hand wrapped painfully tight around an awfully stiff, sticky feeling between his legs.

He yelped as the tight feeling was pulled away, leaving him vulnerable and in the open, cold air rushing over his paled skin.

He could still feel fingers wrapped tight around him.

" _Stop._ " He whimpered, trying desperately to pull away from the hand between his legs. He watched his Daddy's face, disappointed and sick, as the fingers gripped tighter, the feeling unceasing.

 _What a terrible little brat,_ Daddy's voice growled, squeezing tighter, earning a terrified, restrained whimper from the body. _Couldn't even wait for Daddy to finish. After everything I do for you, you repay me by making a sticky mess of your pants._

He didn't mean to. Daddy was in his mouth and he was shaking from too much love in his little body. The stiff, sensitive feeling reacted before he could stop it, spilling over in his nice pajama pants instead of just waiting for his Daddy to help him. It was worse than wetting himself, he had wasted the love he was supposed to show his Daddy once he gave him his love first. Daddy was very angry, yanking away his nice pajama pants and shoving his face into the mess he made of them, pulling him back up by the hair before ensnaring the sticky, oversensitive organ in a vice grip.

He deserved it.

" _Jamesy, pal, it's okay. You're safe here._ " Daddy's voice sounded different, like he was young and healthy again. He was being so bad, trying to get away from his punishment.

" _Steve, he might be-_ " Another voice, panicked and concerned. Why was it concerned? Maybe an agent had seen him and Daddy playing their game. He was Daddy's little boy, his special secret. No one else was allowed to see him. " _-It might be best if you step out._ "

" _Stop._ " He yelped, right hand hitting against something. He couldn't tell, all he knew is it felt a little better when he did, like Daddy pulling him over his knee. It hurt, but it was getting over with. Getting what he deserved.

He felt something wrap around his wrist. The cuffs on the chair.

"NO!" He shrieked, trying to pull away from the hands that touched all over his body, crawling like bugs across his skin. "I'LL BE GOOD I'LL BE GOOD _PLEASE_ DADDY I DI'N MEAN IT 'M _SORRY_ "

He felt the grip leave his wrist, followed by a dull thud of flesh hitting flesh. Daddy probably slapped him across the mouth, hands still gripping at his body. He barely felt more dull thuds against his head, not even seeing his own hand smacking against him.

All he could see was his Daddy's disappointed face, his hands pulling and pushing and yanking and tugging.

" _Jamesy, I know you're scared,_ " That familiar, unfamiliar, far away yet too close voice pierced through the fog, coming from somewhere he could not see. Was there an agent in the room with them? Did Daddy call someone in to punish him with him? Or carry him to the chair to think about what he had done? " _Just try to focus on my voice, okay? You're going to be okay._ "

How could he focus on a voice when Daddy's hands were pressing against his skin? How was he ever going to be okay? He hurt Daddy and made him so disappointed.

He couldn't hear Daddy's voice anymore. Maybe they were in the chair room? Had Daddy already left for him to take his punishment? Why could he still feel Daddy's hands all over him? Why did Daddy have so many hands?

He felt the dull thud of something hitting something, though he couldn't tell what. After that, he felt something soft against his hand, the dull thuds no longer registering.

The sight of Daddy's face, the blue walls surrounding him, closing in tighter and tighter until he couldn't breathe. He felt his lungs constrict, his Daddy's hands gripped tight around his throat.

The next thing he could remember, he was sitting on the floor, a towel draped over his lap, a blanket over his shoulders, and a bean shaped plush gripped tight to his chest. His eyes, painfully dry and raw, blinked as he tried to figure out where he was and how he got there.

"Jamesy? You with me?" Papa's voice called to him from somewhere deep in the fog. He couldn't tell where he was, the room around him blurring between blue and yellow walls. He recognized the yellow walls, the walls of his room in the tower. That means he at least had to be in the tower, with his Papa somewhere close by.

His head was so foggy, everything around him feeling like it was made out of mist, like it would disappear the moment he reached out for it. Like his hands would pass right through it.

Like none of it was real.

" _Papa._ " He heard a small, whimpering voice gasp, reaching out blindly to something, terrified that the world around him would shatter the moment his hand touched anything.

"I'm right here, Jamesy. I'm right here. No one's gonna hurt you." Papa's voice sounded like a warm blanket, pulling him gently towards something real, something that _had_ to be real.

He gasped softly as his head rested against something warm, something that smelled like laundry detergent and warm food and _home._ He felt two arms wrap around him, the world around him still foggy and empty, like sitting in a white void. These arms were not pulling or tugging or hurting. They wrapped around him gently, a warm hand rubbing between his shoulders, a chin resting against the top of his head.

The yellow walls faded into view, the fog evaporating to reveal Papa holding him close to his chest, far away from the bed. He could hear his voice, low and soft and warm, whispering sweet words into his crown.

"I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you. You're safe here, those things are in the past. I know they hurt, but they'll never hurt you again." Papa's voice reassured, his body gently swaying with the man's rocking movements.

"Papa..." He whimpered, his body far too exhausted to keep up. He could already feel himself drifting off to sleep against the warm chest that cradled him so gently.

"I know, bug, I know." Papa whispered, carefully pulling him from the ground. His feet felt like they were about to give way at any moment, like he was trying to walk on water. He felt his hands rest against the soft plush of his bed, nothing like the old mattress Daddy kept for him, or the cots that Hydra gifted him in the cell.

Daddy.

That Daddy was Old Daddy. Old Daddy is dead. New Daddy doesn't hurt him or pull his hair or touch him all over.

"Where's Daddy..." He heard that whimpering voice slur.

"He's out in the living room." Papa explained, helping to tuck him into the soft blankets. "I can get him if you'd like."

He thought about the words, his brain taking three times as long to comprehend each letter.

"Stay 'n room. Watch for bad pe'pol." He whimpered out.

"Alright, I'll ask him to come in. I'm going to walk to the door and open it, but I wont leave the room, okay?" Papa explained, carefully stepping away from the bed. A few moments later, Daddy appeared in the room, carefully walking towards his bed.

"Chair." He whimpered out. Daddy wouldn't hurt him, but he felt scared at the thought of him getting too close just yet. He braced himself for the inevitable smack across his mouth for being so ungrateful and rude.

Instead, Daddy nodded and made his way to the big, soft chair. "Goodnight, lamb. We won't let anything hurt you. We love you." Daddy said softly before turning to face towards the door.

"Goodnight, sweet pea," Papa hummed, sitting beside the bed and putting his hand on the covers. He carefully took it into his own flesh hand. "We love you, we wont let anything take you away from us."

He whimpered softly, holding the warm, grounding hand over the covers and clinging to the plush in his grasp, before drifting off into sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is he okay?" Steve asked, the exhausted worry heavy on his voice.
> 
> "As okay as he can be..." Sam sighed, carefully stroking the sleeping boy's long, tousled hair. "It was a pretty bad one."

Sam hummed as the Soldier groaned above him, the other's cock pressing into his body. He groaned as the Soldier's tongue laved against his neck, gentle lips nibbling softly at his skin. He chuckled as Steve groaned from the other side of the room, his two boys on display.

"There you go, big guy~" Sam hummed, gasping as he felt the machine's cock bury deep inside of him. "Ohh fuck that's big~"

He got a little impatient as the Soldier took his sweet time gently easing his way into his body. For fuck's sake, he took Steve's cock at least twice a week, he could handle a lot more than _that._ He liked it rough, dammit. He glanced over Steve, watching as the man in the chair stroked his deliciously hard cock. Sam could feel himself drool at the sight.

"Soldier, you know I can handle more than _that,_ " Sam huffed, bucking his hips to try and coax the other into moving faster. "You know the Captain fucks me on the regular, make me _feel it._ "

He watched as the Soldier adjusted himself on his knees before burying his cock deep into his ass. He groaned at the feeling of the other's thick cock stretching his insides so perfectly.

"There you go, that's- _Ahh!~_ " He felt the air get punched out of his guts as the machine tried to thoroughly rearrange his internal organs with his dick.

"Good boy." The Soldier growled, low and deep in his chest, as he yanked his hips, pulling him onto his cock in a relentless rhythm. "Thought you could take me? Thought you could handle the Winter Soldier's cock deep inside you?"

Sam moaned deep in his chest, his head rolling back against the pillows beneath him. It was a rare treat, getting fucked by the Soldier in a dominant mood, hearing the filth that rumbled out of his chest, the overwhelming love and passion dripping off his lips. He could feel Steve's eyes on him, raking over his body as he got thoroughly ravished by the man fucking into him.

That was, until the Soldier froze above him, his eyes wide with fear.

"Soldier? You okay babe?" Sam asked, watching the unfocused machine. He could feel the other's cock softening inside of him, neither of them even _close_ to finishing. The other's eyes didn't even flicker towards him, focused entirely on something he couldn't see. "Soldier? Did you hear me?"

Sam watched as Steve stood from his chair, carefully making his way over. "Soldier, status report?" He asked, setting a hand on the machine's shoulder before Sam could think to stop him. He yelped a little when the body on top of him lurched forward, gasping out a 'stop' in a high, all too familiar voice, his eyes unmoving and unseeing.

Jamesy. _Oh no._

"Shit, _shit._ " Sam gasped, squirming to sit up until the other's soft cock slipped out of his hole. He flinched a little as the suddenly panicking body yelped.

" _Stop._ " Jamesy whimpered, his body lurching like he was trying to move away from something that just wasn't there. Sam and Steve shared a concerned glance.

"Jamesy, pal, it's okay. You're safe here." Steve tried to get through to the panicking boy. It didn't work, judging by the unrelenting, vacant stare.

"Steve, he might be having a flashback to, y'know." Sam sighed, recognizing that all-too-familiar stare and unnatural movement. It was heartbreaking, watching his little boy suffering from something they couldn't save him from. "If he thinks he's back there, it might be best if you step out."

The two men watched as the boy lurched at an angle once again, a gasping 'stop' falling from his lips. Steve sighed before stepping out of the room. Sam gasped as the body's flesh hand jerked up, smacking against his knee. He reacted before his brain could catch up, grabbing his wrist to stop the panicking boy from hurting himself.

That was a big mistake.

"NO!" Jamesy shrieked, his body squirming and jerking as he tried to pull away from things that Sam just couldn't see. "I'LL BE GOOD I'LL BE GOOD PLEASE DADDY I DI'N MEAN IT 'M _SORRY_ "

Sam's brain caught up with him, quickly letting go of the boy's wrist, regretting it not a second later as he watched his hand slam against his own head, eyes not even registering the harm he was doing.

Sam felt helpless, watching his frightened boy caught in a past he could never escape from, his other boyfriend in the other room for their safe keeping. He just wanted to save him from the memories of that monster that stole his innocence, no matter how impossible that was.

"Jamesy, I know you're scared." Sam said, trying to break through the fog of flashbacks that he knew the poor boy was caught behind. "Just try to focus on my voice okay? You're going to be okay."

Sam hissed, watching as twitching hands smacked against his own body, bruises already beginning to form beneath the skin. He thought back to when he saw him panicking in the closet. He looked around the bed, finding that familiar 'tsum tsum' plush and grabbing it. "Here, here." He mumbled, gently shoving the stuffed toy into the boys hands. He watched with restrained relief as the twitching hands began to slam against the toy instead of his body.

It was an improvement, but they weren't out of the woods yet.

Sam jumped as the body lurched hard, growling at something that he couldn't see and backing up straight off the bed. He watched as the body fell, scrambling backwards and growling at nothing, eyes unfocused, like a dog growling at a ghost.

"Soldier, it's okay. You're safe." Sam carefully stepped off of the bed, holding his hands up to show he wasn't a threat. The Soldier's eyes didn't even register him, growling at something beyond him. Sam quickly gathered his discarded pants from off the bedroom floor, hastily slipping them over his legs as the Soldier snarled at his demons, roaring out a panicked shriek.

Sam looked around for anything that could help make the panicking Winter System a little more comfortable. He found the Soldier's discarded towel from his shower that felt like an eternity ago. He waited for the body to sit back, staring into the middle distance, before carefully draping the towel over his lap to provide even a shred of dignity to his disturbed piece of family.

Sam watched carefully, sitting down a yard away from the panicking body, as unfocused eyes stared beyond their plane, twitching hands gripping and smacking the plush clutched tight to their chest. He felt a slight sense of relief as the eyes began to flicker, registering the world around him, if only a little.

"Papa." Jamesy's frightened voice whimpered out. Sam felt his heart break at the sight, confused and tired eyes trying to break through the fog of panic, searching desperately for a lifeboat in the middle of a sinking ship.

"I'm right here, Jamesy. I'm right here. No one's gonna hurt you." Sam whispered, gently wrapping his arm around the boy's shoulder. He held his breath as the body snuggled tight into his chest, trembling from the aftershocks of his brain finally coming back to the real world. He rest his chin against his head, rubbing soothing circles into his back to help ground him to the here and now.

"I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you. You're safe here, those things are in the past. I know they hurt, but they'll never hurt you again." Sam explained, carefully rocking the body against his chest.

"Papa..." Jamesy whimpered, his little voice betraying how exhausted his body was.

"I know, bug, I know." Sam whispered, carefully helping the little boy off of the ground. He helped his hobble his way to the bed, praying it didn't accidentally send him into another panic attack. He carefully laid him down on the bed, helping to pull the covers up over his body. He wasn't about to try and help him into some sleep clothes, given how delicate their status was at that moment.

"Where's Daddy..." Jamesy slurred out, barely able to keep his eyes open.

"He's out in the living room." Sam explained, helping to tuck him in. "I can get him if you'd like."

He watched as Jamesy thought, the wheels turning in his exhausted brain.

"Stay 'n room. Watch for bad pe'pol." Jamesy whimpered out.

"Alright, I'll ask him to come in. I'm going to walk to the door and open it, but I wont leave the room, okay?" Sam explained, carefully stepping away from the bed. He made his way to the door and opening it, finding Steve sitting on the couch with his face in his hands. He waited for the man to notice him before motioning for him to come back. He held the door open as his boyfriend, obviously upset and exhausted, stepped through.

"Chair." Jamesy whimpered out. Sam watched as Steve nodded, sitting back in the chair he was in not an hour ago.

"Goodnight, lamb. We won't let anything hurt you. We love you." Steve said softly before turning to face towards the door. Sam sat down on the floor beside the bed, letting the exhausted little boy hold his hand.

"Goodnight, sweet pea. We love you, we won't let anything take you away from us." Sam whispered softly, watching as the whimpering little boy slowly slipped into unconsciousness.

"Is he okay?" Steve asked, the exhausted worry heavy on his voice.

"As okay as he can be..." Sam sighed, carefully stroking the sleeping boy's long, tousled hair. "It was a pretty bad one."

"I'm sorry, I," Steve huffed, staring at the door. "I hate that you have to deal with that alone."

"Steve, he was hurting." Sam sighed, looking over to his distressed boyfriend. "All he could see was Pierce, I wasn't going to leave him alone, and it wasn't safe for you to be in here."

"I get that, Sam. It's just not fair." Steve huffed. "It's not fair that he has to suffer and it's not fair that you have to take care of it because I'll just end up hurting him more."

"You're right, it _isn't_ fair that he has to suffer." Sam nodded, stepping to his boyfriend in the chair. "But what _is_ fair is how we all care for one another, how we each play to our strengths. You can't beat yourself up for things you can't control, man."

Steve nodded in thought, standing up and pulling him into a well needed, warm hug. Sam melted into the embrace, exhausted from the night's stress. It was all worth it, keeping his little family safe.

**Author's Note:**

> The events and depictions of Dissociative Identity Disorder and (Complex) Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder within this story are based heavily on **personal experiences** and are not meant to educate or serve as an example for all people living with DID or (C)PTSD.
> 
> Kudos and Comments are always appreciated!


End file.
